What do we think of when we think of rituals? I’m sure everyone has their own ideas on rituals. Most people will probably say that they are meaningful events, which they usually are. The wonderful thing is they are often so unique and original; they can be life-changing or simply everyday rituals that we take for granted.
Recently, I decided to hold a workshop on Everyday Rituals. It was a great success and it was so good to hear of the amazing variety of rituals in our lives. Rituals that we share, rituals that are ours alone, rituals which evolve and change and most importantly, in my opinion, rituals which create memories.
Throughout the world there are rituals surrounding marriage and partnership which are celebrated in a vast array of styles and belief systems according to traditions.
What I find beautiful and meaningful is when a couple decide to commit to that union of two, the love can expand and extend outwards to include family and friends. A wedding ceremony can be mindfully designed in its own distinct way. No tradition involved as to where, when and how, but in a way which reflects their lives, their environment, their situations in life; in essence in how they live and who they are in the world.
I attended such a marriage recently, that of my son and his partner of twenty-one years. I’ll share it briefly here.
Obviously, we knew where it was to be held, in this case in a beautiful, leafy orchard with the sun gracefully shining, in the bluest sky. However, nobody knew what form it would take. On arriving at the gateway and mingling in an expansive space with familiar, old, and new faces I could feel the joy, the love and the anticipation. As we waited and faced the bower of shady leaves and flowers which created a scene of a splendid stage set for something glorious to happen, before this ritual began, I felt a moment of contemplation and wonder at the beauty and grace which had been created.
So much was provided from the natural world, from flowers, branches, leaves, the cloth on the bower, the bright clothing worn by guests in all its finery, and offered to the couple, and to us the witnesses of their marriage. It made me think of the offerings of the bowerbirds of Australia and New Guinea who offer bright objects in their courtship of song and dance.
Singing started, everyone joined in, the words having been given to all of us. As we repeated the simple verses, we became well practiced. The happy voices created the mood of joy and happiness for the ritual of love and marriage to begin.
My son appeared through a gateway to my right, holding a flaming torch in his hand. From my left, his beloved appeared, also holding a flaming torch, each with their individual words of greeting. Together they lit a fire in a fire-pit and spoke to each other of their intentions and lives together. Smudging followed to surround the couple, to cleanse and create positivity. Poems were read by close friends, more songs were sung and the celebrant, a close friend of theirs and mine, spoke the most beautiful words as they radiantly exchanged rings, uniquely made for each of them.
The whole ceremony was one of magic as it reflected the manifestation of their individuality, of their coupledom and this magical occasion. The sharing of this emotional moment in life, filled with love and light, shone out to all around. It was at the same time separate and yet inclusive.
A magnificent ritual to be remembered, unlike any other, for its originality. Therefore, a ritual can be repeated as it often is, or it can be created in its newness.